But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
