I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
