shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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