And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
