My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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