I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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