Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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