I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
