I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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