mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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