booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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