wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
