My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it hurts more in the daytime
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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