i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I will be naked everywhere
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
