Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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