ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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