You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
