He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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