just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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