No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
