i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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