If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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