guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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