i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
