It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
