Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
