your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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