shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
