There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
