It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
