You just made me feel so damn special
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
