My liver just broke up with me...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
