Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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