My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
