If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
