And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
