why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
