the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
