there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
