she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
