i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
