that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
