This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
