watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drunk is not a location!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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