He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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