Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
