My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Can I color on your dick again?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
