ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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