the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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