I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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