If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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