have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
