WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
